Hi there! Still basking in the ambiance of valentine or recovering from the pain of loneliness? Hey, whether you were 'valentined' or not, be sure to have your head held up high and your self esteem in place like you know how much you mean to God!
Below is a mail i got in my box and i'm able to identify with the writer because i'm also a PK (pastor's kid) . The reason for pubishing this(with her permission of course) is basically for us to learn some real life lessons and probably offer a word of advice to the writter. I remember sighing after reading it and then asking myself ' how much of trust is then required in love?' Please read on....
I’m pouring my heart out into this mail as I ache from deep within. I do not wish to instill fear into anyone about relationships, neither am I saying this to spite my father.
Its just that I’m now confused about the whole notion of love, trust, faithfulness, submission and all the ingredients that go into making a relationship work.
Born into a pastor’s family, I grew up to love and respect my father. He was my yardstick for the ideal man. My mother is a rare specie as it has been obvious to us– the children- from childhood that she had always been my father’s pillar/backbone; she is a prayer warrior, a disciplinarian and a God-fearing mother and wife. She tactically covers up for a lot of lapses in my father that would have adversely affected my father’s ministry. My mother is so industrious that she could sell sand and proper doing it. Up till today I still pray to God for the grace to have the kind of her strength- she is the real virtuous woman.
They’ve both been happily married for married for about 28 years. Everything had been perfect until recently. My mother found out that my father had been keeping a parallel relationship for the past 3 years!!!
I’m still in shock as nothing gave us the slightest clue; his commitment to my mother and us his children was and is still intact. In fact it took God to tell my mother that there was a crack in the wall from which the devourer was entering into the family for her to sense it. She confronted my father with what God told her and he broke down and confessed everything like a baby! It might sound like a soap opera but it happened to me live!
My mother confided only in me as her first child and her only friend (I guess she needed to pour her heart out) Now I know truth and I have to keep it to my self for as long as I can, because I’m afraid my siblings would come to hate my father if they knew…and as for me, I don’t know if I can trust any man again or was my mother wrong to have trusted him so much?!
Elizabeth
. . .what do you think?
10 comments:
The more I empathize with you the more I become short of words. I pray that the Lord will give you comfort and grace to go through it all. Things happen in our lives and we have to decide whether we will allow it to shape us or break us; it is left to you.
Should your mom have trusted your Dad? Yeah, If not he would not have accepted his fault.
As for trusting men, it’s not about the man you date. It’s about your mindset. Take time to heal and change your way of thinking. I know it is hard, but it is worth it.
Remember, love covers a multitude of sins.
Elizabeth, its quite unfortunate you had to be a part of your parents' challenges and most especially burdened with the yoke of keeping an unpalatable secret to yourself. i can imagine. My advice is that you should put yourself together, your father is only being human, learn to make God your standard and not man!
What a life! After 28 years of marriage! Is that not enough to build mutual trust. I'm sorry but i don't think i can forgive such a man! well, i learnt a long time ago that men can't be trusted. They are all the same Pastor or not!
I agree with you emamanuel, she can either allow the incident to break her or shape her, its a matter of choice.
Thank you.I'm sure your advice will be of tremendious help to her.
Bunmi,
you are right. 'to ere is human...'
Anonymous,
:) i percieve you've had a number of experiences with men. I can understand, but really, i like to advice that you change your mindset that 'all men are not trustworthy' rather, trust God to make your man faithful. However, thanks for your contribution.
I identify with your experience though not for a marriage that old, but old enough to cause a lot of havoc.
In agreement to earlier said comments, how you handle this could break or make. You need to allow God's word this time to make the right decision on how to handle it.
However, I must emphasise that keeping this from your siblings would be deception. If your father is truly repentant then he needs to meet with you all to ask for forgiveness. Forgetting is not easy, but when we remind ourselves of how much God takes from us sometimes, it helps us to forgive others.
You'll all need time to heal, but love has to be transparent, and that's the phase your family has come to now.
We'll be praying with you.
Thanks toks, but in a situation where the other children are not matured enough to handle such information what do you advise?
A man cheating on his wife after 28 years of marriage? Lie! He's been doing it over the years, nemesis just caught up with him late. I think he owes his family an explanation and needs to regain their trust all over again.
If he truly repents, he will earn his children's respect back in no time. Easier said than done, but it's doable and will ensure that the man does everything to keep his home, i've seen this happen in a home before.
Welldone, bisola!
In agreement with Ododo, he does owe these kids an explanation. If he gets his wife's forgivenness and support along with Elizabeth's(I believe that's her name), they can also help to explain to the younger ones, prayerfully though. They too need to learn early that no one is super, especially when outside God and His will.
Na wa o! even if this woman forgives, can she forget? Can she have the same measure of trust in her husband? Can things be the same again? why don't people weigh the consequences before dabbling into things?!
Ododo - Topsy, thanks for your contribution i know for sure that Elizabeth is paying close attention to the various counsels
Toks,
I see your point i pray that God will himself give Elizabeth's father true repentance and teach him what to do next.
Anonymous,
To be sincere, it will take GOD for trust to be restored into that relationship. It may be hard to forget or even impossible but she(the wife) would have to forgive him for her own sake, especially if he has cleared himself before God -which i hope he has- being a supposed man of God
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