The Cave

‘Tough times never last, but tough people do’. Sometimes we go through some situations that we just can’t imagine how on earth we’ll survive them…we are even tempted at times to think we are all alone and that no one has ever gone through that particular situation.

But I’ve got news for you…hard times energize some people, yet paralyze others. Whatever becomes of you after the storm is basically a matter of your choice.
A story that readily comes to mind is that of David. Everything he touched turned to gold: He was anointed to be king; he defeated Goliath; King Saul chose him as a special musician and warrior; the army loved him and even wrote songs about him... Then suddenly his life fell apart; He lost his job; His old mentor (Samuel) died; his best friend Jonathan couldn't help him, and Saul's soldiers hounded him until he had to hide in a cave. At some point we all do time in the cave!

The ‘cave’ is where you end up when all your earthy supports are gone! It's where you discover important things about yourself that you can't learn anywhere else. It's where God does some of His best work in molding you into what he has designed to be. It's where your worst inadequacies confirm that you're out of your depth, and where God sends His power to flow through your weakness. When David found himself in this situation, he did two things:
- He looked inwards: realized his helplessness and reached for the strength within
- He looked up to ‘the hills from whence help cometh’! He looked up to God!
When you're in a situation you can't fix, can't change and can't escape, just trust God! And encourage yourself… (People might not)!
Also remember that as long as your sense of security is tied solely to your success, life will always be fragile. But when you know that God is with you even at your lowest point and that it’s not about how low you have fallen, but how well you are able to bounce back then you can handle the cave and come out stronger!

Got fears? Try facing them!

Facing your fears

All it took was a little determination and telling myself I could do it, having a clear understanding of the worst that could happen and savoring the momentary sweetness if the possibility of the best happening…the result; I made up my mind to try.

Public speaking/ presentation, though not an unfamiliar terrain to me usually come easy after a proper and well rehearsed preparation, being called upon ‘impromptu’ is one of the few things that take me off balance. This I knew, so I avoided whatever could bring such embarrassment. I totally avoided every invitation to the ‘Toastmasters Club’!

With my mind made up to try my best to face one of my fears, I sat, expecting to be called but without a clue on what I might be asked to speak about. After three (3) guests had been invited to speak on topics ranging from ‘Tiger Woods’ Public apology & its implication’, The Haiti Earthquake and ‘a role play on a freshly sacked executive’; I could not but wonder what I would be called to speak on if ever I was called…
Just before I was through processing the thought, I heard my name...The moment had come!

I was given two (2) minutes to speak on ‘The last favor I did to a total stranger and how I felt afterward’! Needless to say I went blank as I walked to the podium, then I looked inwards, told myself I could do it and almost immediately, I recalled and experience I had while discharging my duties… the experience came back fresh as I narrated it to my audience, the next thing I saw were people nodding and clapping.
I went back to my seat feeling fulfilled. For me that was it. I had faced my fear!

Little did I know the best was yet to come as I emerged the best of the six (6) speakers, hence the speaker of the day! Needless to say I felt a deep sense of satisfaction.
…Then I thought to myself; what if I did not try?

Habits

Habits they say are routines of behavior that are repeated regularly which tend to occur subconsciously, without directly thinking consciously about them.

It’s quite important to know that we are creatures of habit. As a matter of fact, most of the things we do in life are habitual; we do the same things we did yesterday, the day before and every day for the last month. It’s estimated that out of every 11,000 signals we receive from our senses, our brain only consciously processes 40!

You decide your habits; your habits determine your character and your character determine your destiny!

If indeed we are creatures of habits and our destiny is influenced by our habits, then we should examine our current habits and deliberately cultivate habits that are helpful for our future. Leaving our habits to chance could be injurious to our future.

The major difference between a successful person and a failure is their Habit. Good habits are usually not easy to form but they are easy to leave with while bad habits are easy to form but are difficult to live with, breaking a counter productive bad habit could be a challenge

In essence, is important to think through and fish out the bad habits you have and ask yourself; are these habits helping me or not? …if the habit is not helpful then it is hurtful.

It is also important to know that you just don’t drop bad habits; it’s easier when you override them with good habits!

…to be continued

...On the fence on life

…Words of wisdom

Sometimes last year November, I listened to Bishop Desmond Tutu’s speech after he was given an award. He mentioned that ‘words like… 'He’s such a nice guy', 'he's so modest ...' Don’t describe him'
This statement struck a cord in me as I realized that I find it really convenient and safe to be described just like that; “The nice, modest, easy-going lady / individual”

But have we ever pondered on why someone would be described in such manner?I believe it is probably because such person has found a convenient spot to 'sit on the fence of life’s situations' and does not 'boldly stand' for what he/she believes to be right!
Hence, flexible enough to adapt very nicely to every situation.
Believe me, it’s a very cozy decision.
Such people usually;
-keep mute at issues contradicting their beliefs rather than voice out. -Copes, adapt and blend with situations until their identity is misplaced. -Men pleasers who want to be at peace with all men (regardless of the cost)!

So, now you might really want to ask yourself if you are nice J

Enjoy the rest of your week!

In Search of a Shorter route

Looking for quicker and shorter ways of doing things seems to be one of the most remarkable things about this our generation.
I recently learnt a lesson which made stop to think....

While on my way home from work via a familiar route, i decided to try a route i assumed would be shorter for the following reasons;

• The familiar route involved ascending a hill (energy sapping)
  
• I saw a road down the slope ahead of me and thought it to be ''a short cut''
• I sincerely wanted to try a different route 'something new'

So, after a brief contemplation at a crossroad, i headed towards this unknown route! I did not realize what i had gotten myself into until i had wandered without finding a link to my initial route for almost 1 hr 15 minutes for a journey that should not have taken more than 15-20 minutes maximum! ( so much for a short cut ) in fact, i got to a point where i could no longer go further! Everyone i asked told me i way way off my route . . .i just could not believe how an innocent experiment could turn out a nightmare!
I paused and said a brief prayers under my breath...it was no longer a joke! suddenly, i ran into someone i knew! Heaving a sigh of relief, i knew it was an answer to my prayers, not only did this person direct me to the right path, she also ensured i got home safe! Needless to say i arrived home late and exhausted!

Later that night i thought over what happened and came up with a few lessons;

• Theres is no short cut in life!
  
• A long familiar route plus knowledge is better than a 'seemingly' shorter route plus ignorance!
• Knowledge preserves!
  
• During the ''ups'' and ''downs'' of life God is always near!

He still believes in me!!!

With tear-filled eyes, i watched as the clock ticked into the year 2009!
Wow!!! He's brought me into a new year, regardless of the fact that i did not maximize 2008 in spite of my human effort.

I looked through my goals for 2008 and rated myself poor . .While pondering, i suddenly realized something that made me smile and cry at the same time 'He still believes in me!' My God! Who am i to give up on myself when the creator of the universe still believes in me?! I could have been discarded with the just concluded year 2008 if i were insignificant, but no! He sees what i can become and not what i am presently, he is bent on making me an enviable piece of work, a masterpiece to behold!.

Then i thought to myself, the least i can do this year is believe in myself, put my life together again and be the best i can be for my generation! How about you?

C.E.O Of My Life

At exactly 01:49am.. 31st January 2008, as i laid on my bed, I knew I had to put this into writing now or I loose the ‘zeal’ and the ‘how ’ to express the thought in writing.

Been doing a lot of self analysis and tests recently but it's surprising to realize how little these tests could tell about ‘who I am’ and I began to wonder; Is it that I have not found the appropriate psychoanalysis test that could give me a picture of who I am and can be? Or is it that I still know so little about myself after over 30 years of existence? If so, how did I get to where I am? Is it by chance or just luck as some put it?

As I ponder on these questions, it strikes me that I might not have discovered all about myself yet, but there’s one thing I know so well and would not trade for anything; its that I AM THE CEO OF MY LIFE!
The first time this statement hit me, it flooded my mind with insight that I have not recovered from till today.

So, having said this,I leave you to think about it; what does being the CEO of your own life really entail???

Everything Is Working!

To some, the phrase ‘Everything is working’ might appear to make a complete sense, while for others, there seems to be something incomplete about the statement, to them, the statement brings about questions such as; how? Where? For who?

Well for me I take the statement to be an abbreviation of a scripture that readily comes to mind
‘…for we know that all things work together for good to them that love God and are called according to his purpose’

This was a statement/confession I picked up from my husband (then my fiancé) during our courtship days. Somehow, things did not just look like we pictured it, in fact it was far from what we saw before getting into the relationship, yet he kept his confession – ‘Every thing is working!’

Initially, I felt he was just being unrealistic and over spiritual as it was obvious that things were not working (At least none that I could see!) he said it so much that not only did I begin to chorus it, I also believed it.

Little did I know he was shaping his world with his words, for what you say, you see! Now looking back at those days that seemed like forever, I can boldly say that everything we went through was actually working together for our good!

It’s interesting how calculative we get when getting into relationships especially with the opposite sex. For people like me who are not mathematically inclined, its funny how easily calculations are done on length, breadth and width (talking about height and body structure), round, oval, rectangular, oblong etc (talking about facial structures), position in the family (whether he’s is first or last born) and all manners of calculations. We openly declare that God’s will be done while in our heart of hearts we have standards that he-God -must meet or else…!

It is very important for you to know that whatever becomes real in our minds, is what God makes real in our lives. Having a happy home, or a successful relationship is not a luxury, it is a necessity for the linage of grace to continue, so all you need do first and foremost is deal with the fear of failure you have and tell yourself Everything is working!

The fact that you have been in and out of relationships does not make you a failure in your relationship, not everyone gets it right the first time. You just keep trying, while changing your approach each time and you can be rest assured that ‘Everything is working!’

Opportunity plus preparation they say equals success, why don’t you stop waiting for the right person and try being that right person and you’ll be amazed how everything would work!

Howbeit, Since the principle of sowing and reaping is not negotiable, it’s important to mind what you sow, by this, I mean the roles do you play in other people’s relationships, are you a source of encouragement or otherwise. Remember, what you make happen for others God will make happen for you!

One last thing, no matter what comes your way this season, always remember to tell yourself - EVERYTHING IS WORKING!

Just before you jam that door

Sure you’ve heard people say ‘the world is a small place’. I bet this phrase does not mean as much as it means to a lady I met recently…
Having waited 5 straight weeks to see a gynecologist, she finally got an appointment for a Friday morning which meant skipping work for that day, but she did not mind, after all, her health was more important that the work. For no reason, she had a feeling this guy had all it takes to proffer solution to the health problem she had been wrestling with for 5years of her marriage or was it what she had her about this particular gynecologist that makes her so reassured . . . whichever one it was, she was grateful she finally got the appointment for that day. Her thoughts were interrupted when a nurse called her name as the next patient.
What happened on entering the consulting room was better imagined than experienced. She was standing right in front of a former suitor! It was not the fact that her one time suitor was the long awaited gynecologist alone that made her weakened her, fresh memories of her last encounter with him made her highly uncomfortable. As they steered at each other in surprise each not knowing what to say to the other, she remembered clearly how she embarrassed him publicly and deliberately too among her friends, her friends didn’t like him and there was another guy in the picture…the only way to get rid of him was to hurt his ego… Now she regretted every insulting word she said that day as if that was not enough, he tried to make up with her in tears and all he got from her was loads of insults...she knew it was not the best, but he was being too stubborn and the only way to get him off was to do just that . . .and now she had to face the music.
Well, the end of the story I’m sure is not as important as the moral lessons in it. Never jam a relationship door, as you might need to pass through that same door someday! , Yes, some relationships need to be ended and fast too, agreed, but remember life is all about relationship and people come in and out of your life for a reason. Even, when you must close relationship door, be sure to end it in such that if you had to go through that same door for any reason, you’ll do so with your head held up high and with a clear conscience.

Simplifying Your Life In This Complex Age

Life as God Intended it

Chances are that your life and everything surrounding it is moving so fast that it seems difficult to get a grip of it, needless to talk of being on top of it... from the "junk drawer" in the room to the overloaded "in box" at the office to the ever-growing list of tasks to complete, errands to run, people to keep in touch with, family to attend to... the list is unending. With the increasingly hectic, stressful lives that the environment we are in imposes on us, more and more people are not only gradually loosing their minds but also just living life as a struggle - This is not life as God intended it.
Is it possible for anyone to handle the overwhelming demands on their time and resources and still get through the day fulfilled? The answer is yes.

First, and foremost, pray for wisdom, creativity and direction. Wisdom to be able to apply what you know rightly, creativity for insight to transformative ideas required to change your life and direction- blue prints required to get to your goal or your desired destination.
Next you’ll need to spend some time doing an assessment, taking stock of your situation. This involves choosing the ‘best’ over the possible, good and the better.
After doing an assessment of the “complexity quotient”, then you are probably ready to start simplifying. Below are a list of 'D's which I believe would be of great help to you;

a) Decide: Because life is full of choices, you will have to decide what you want for your life, what you want to stand for, where you are heading towards and how you want to get there etc. Usually no one else can do this for you except you! – You are the CEO of your life!

b) Divest: After deciding, now its time to divest yourself of things not needed for your new commitment and decision. There are some things you don’t have any business holding on to, whatever your reasons for hanging on to them are, its time to let go. Believe me, your head will feel heaps better after a clear-out, and so will you

c) Declare: Be willing to say ‘No’ to irrelevances and be willing to say ‘Yes’ to the things that matter to your new commitment.

d) Detoxify: We live in a toxic age; Caffeine to fuel the day time, Sleeping pills for the night, watching of television till late into the night, all round internet browsing, inability to exercise due to busy schedule, excessive consumption of journals and newspaper and no time for God’s word- Time to Detoxify! You’ll sure feel and live better.

e) Delegate: Learn to delegate responsibilities, get others to assist with things (Especially women and mothers who multitasks naturally) not only will it simplify your life; you will also be enabling someone else. Remember no one is indispensable! And finally,

f) Depend: (Important!) Learn to depend on your unlimited source of supply- God. Live daily in his presence, cultivate a lifestyle of bible study, prayer and worship. It is also important to fellowship with others with the similar goal as yours. The more time you spend in God’s presence the more your life look like his!

More Of What Women want (Continued)

Hello friends, I apologize for the break in transmission. I had to dash out of the country for a couple of days to attend to some vital issues and was too occupied to put my thought together much less on paper.
So, while concluding our ongoing discourse on what women want, I like to add just two more helpful hints.

o If you truly care for your woman or spouse, let it be obvious to those around you…or better put, ensure that those around you accept her the way you do. Sometimes we get carried away with friends/people whom we have share a good part of our past with that we tend to prioritize them above our mates (This goes for both sexes) Women especially do not like to be disregarded by friends and associate of their men – As this might spark off a sort of unhealthy rivalry which is uncalled for- If you know what I mean.

o Hanging around men who think less of women might also be injurious and misleading to your relationship! I find it very amusing when I see men belittling their women in the company of their friends all in the bid to ‘feel among’ whereas for some of them these women in question are their “back bones” Men like that gradually drifts towards ingratitude. Believe me, I could tell when my husband hangs around guys who appreciate their women, somehow he picks up new romantic ideas either consciously or unconsciously in such company that boosts our relationship. The reverse is the case with guys who hang around wife beaters and abusers, who think nothing of women!
A good woman is an asset to any man who has her. So value yours!

Just like someone said in her comment on the last article that not all women are the same; some are less complicated than the others. The whole essence of this article is not to analyze women as it were, but to suggest a few hints through which you can get the best out of your woman- if you care to do so.

I really do hope to keep refreshing this particular article as I get more insight to what I believe a woman wants.

In all, women might seem complicated, but believe me, having them around is one of the best things that ever happened to human race…but remember this when choosing yours (for the guys) that;

“Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain but a woman that fears the Lord shall be praised”

More of what women want!

Cecile Osbone in one of his books cited an example of a man and his wife in one of his counseling groups. The man said “something must be done about women, my wife is always pushing my red button just to get a response …she pushed so hard the other day that I finally yelled at her and told her to lay off. She grinned as though I had just given her a bouquet of flowers and said ‘usually I get no feelings out of you…I’ll rather you yell at me than just sit there’...”

Sounds crazy right? Yeah… that’s the extent an ignored woman can go just to make you react! Really, some men could be quiet, passive and uncommunicative to a fault. These attributes combined and taken to the extreme, can drive any averagely expressive woman nuts! Women need to have their feelings validated and accepted. For instance when they express their minds, all they require primarily at that moment is understanding not necessarily solution (very important!).
To get the best in your woman make conscious effort to communicate with her, don't leave her with assumptions!

-Learn to show appreciation (even for little efforts): Unlike a particular age when men were the sole contributors (both financial and material) to relationships, nowadays the bulk is equally shared and believe me in some cases it weighs more on the woman. In a relationship like that, the woman needs to be reminded constantly the she’s appreciated and that the man is not taking her for granted. Appreciation can be shown in various ways but never never underestimate the power of verbal appreciation, never assume she knows you love and appreciate her.

-Do not underestimate the power of togetherness: (Oops! I’m sorry that sounded like a rule) Whether married or single, the only way to get to know yourselves is by spending quality time together, not necessarily ‘discussing serious issues’ that idea I know puts men off, at least I know it puts my husband off. He would rather get into a serious discussion in a relaxed atmosphere than calling him up for ‘a serious discussion’- he once said it makes him feel like being placed on a hot seat (lol)- and believe me it brings up a man’s defenses! For a woman, it's the other way round. It goes beyond the time spent together. It leaves her with unforgettable memories and a sense of togetherness with her man.

Ok! That’s about all for today…more still to come. Did I hear you say women are insatiable?! :)

What Women Want

The great question… which I have not been able to answer, is
‘What does a woman want?’
-Sigmund Freud

This is one question many men find themselves asking. The truth is that there are no 101 ways of understanding a woman; neither are there any 10 infallible steps to satisfying your woman. The same set of rules does not usually work for two different relationships- basically because no two people are alike!

A story was told about a young unmarried psychologist who wrote a book with the title 10 commandment for parents, a few years later, he married, in due course a baby was born, when the child was about 5 years, the father rewrote the book under the title 10 suggestions for parents. After the fourth child was born, he rewrote his book and it was published under the title 10 possible hints for Parents.
It funny how much of a teacher real life experience can be. However, In as much as there are no hard and fast rule to understanding a woman, there are guidelines or better principle that if followed will tend to make a good relationship or at least a better understanding.

• 
  It is very important to understand that no matter how self reliant, intelligent or independent a woman might seem, there’s something within her that wants to lean on a man. It is therefore important for a man to treat his woman with both strength and gentleness. Strength enough to take the lead and gentleness enough to bear with her weakness despite your irritation. This can only be achieved through patience and determination. Which I must confess is not an easy virtue …
• 
  Learn to shower your woman with praise and reassurance: Positive compliment for instance can melt the hardest of hearts even -if its briefly . . .it has a way of getting anybody, no matter how armed to down their arms. Someone asked why women always ask their men if they love them from time to time, even when they know they are loved, the answer he got was ‘thats the way they are, the earlier you accept it as a fact the better’ believe it or not there’s something it does to women that I can’t explain. . Humm… it’s like refilling their fuel tank, which will last just enough till your next reassurance (lol) hey, but its true!

Ok we’ll pause here. Expect more in the next post.

How Complicated Can Women Be?

Guys, have you ever wondered why a woman would expect a man to fulfill all her varying limitless needs? Why she desires to be protected, loved, cherished; yet she desires complete freedom and autonomy? She will often push and test the limits to ensure they are there, she receives a sense of security just to know her man is strong to resist but wise enough to know when to give in. Why she wants to be appreciated and have her self-identity reinforced through repeated signs of affection and approval?
Really, she wants to be the helper, not the boss… but at times she seem dominating, she desires to have control over her own territory, at the same time needing a man’s concern and strength, she desires affection expressed in a thousand ways, she desires sensitivity to her mood swings and strangely expects her man to be capable of decoding these varying emotional state …oops!
Why little expression of love and affection means much more to her that a man can ever imagine. Why she’s touched when she’s remembered and complimented. SHE LOVES TO BE LISTENED TO!
Why she frequently wants to dominate, yet desires to know her man is in charge…
A young bachelor friend once lamented to me ‘why is it that when women talk (complain) and you keep quiet they say you are not being sensitive, when you respond they say you were not even listening carefully?’

Are you single or married? Male or female? Can you identify with the above personality?
Are women really complicated? Are they necessary evil (like a colleague said)?

Let me know what you think…

A big thank you to all those who posted their contributions to the last article published, I believe your various advices were found useful not only by Elizabeth but several other people who seem to be going through the same or similar thing as her. Please keep sending your counsels or even your opinions for in the multitude of counsel there is safety.
Come to think of it, it’s already the 5th of March! 1st quarter is about rounding off! Don’t you think its time to do a 1st quarter appraisal? How far have you gone with your goals for the 1st quarter of the year? As for me I haven’t done as much as I would have loved to, but there’s a lesson I have learnt in the past few weeks in the bid attain some land marks in my goal for this year and it’s that the arm of flesh will always fail, I do hope to share this in detail with you when my testimony is complete ;).
Did I hear you say you were not able to pencil your goal (s) for this year? It not too late to do that, remember its not always how fast but how well!
The race is not to the swift…

Was She Wrong To Have Trusted Him So Much?!

Hi there! Still basking in the ambiance of valentine or recovering from the pain of loneliness? Hey, whether you were 'valentined' or not, be sure to have your head held up high and your self esteem in place like you know how much you mean to God!

Below is a mail i got in my box and i'm able to identify with the writer because i'm also a PK (pastor's kid) . The reason for pubishing this(with her permission of course) is basically for us to learn some real life lessons and probably offer a word of advice to the writter. I remember sighing after reading it and then asking myself ' how much of trust is then required in love?' Please read on....

I’m pouring my heart out into this mail as I ache from deep within. I do not wish to instill fear into anyone about relationships, neither am I saying this to spite my father.
Its just that I’m now confused about the whole notion of love, trust, faithfulness, submission and all the ingredients that go into making a relationship work.
Born into a pastor’s family, I grew up to love and respect my father. He was my yardstick for the ideal man. My mother is a rare specie as it has been obvious to us– the children- from childhood that she had always been my father’s pillar/backbone; she is a prayer warrior, a disciplinarian and a God-fearing mother and wife. She tactically covers up for a lot of lapses in my father that would have adversely affected my father’s ministry. My mother is so industrious that she could sell sand and proper doing it. Up till today I still pray to God for the grace to have the kind of her strength- she is the real virtuous woman.
They’ve both been happily married for married for about 28 years. Everything had been perfect until recently. My mother found out that my father had been keeping a parallel relationship for the past 3 years!!!
I’m still in shock as nothing gave us the slightest clue; his commitment to my mother and us his children was and is still intact. In fact it took God to tell my mother that there was a crack in the wall from which the devourer was entering into the family for her to sense it. She confronted my father with what God told her and he broke down and confessed everything like a baby! It might sound like a soap opera but it happened to me live!
My mother confided only in me as her first child and her only friend (I guess she needed to pour her heart out) Now I know truth and I have to keep it to my self for as long as I can, because I’m afraid my siblings would come to hate my father if they knew…and as for me, I don’t know if I can trust any man again or was my mother wrong to have trusted him so much?!

Elizabeth

. . .what do you think?

VALENTINE As I Knew It To Be

I remember how we waited eagerly for every 14th of February every year, then in secondary school. Valentine period was a time to make at least a new friend, get gifts, experience attention and pampering, get surprises and most of all feel loved.
A week to valentine, everybody’s name would have been written and wrapped up in small pieces of paper for each person to pick. We were to keep the names we chose to ourselves for a week. What happened within that one week was what each person looked forward to! The whole idea was to make this person- your Val- feel loved without disclosing your identity.
You could come back from class to meet your bed space neatly arranged, your keg of water filled and a gift under you pillow, you could get to your duty post in the morning for your early morning chores just to realize an anonymous person already did it for you, Your val eavesdrop to know exactly what you need and when you need it and guess what? you have it just when you need it, You could even be surprised with a double portion of food at meal times depending on who your Val is (you can imagine if you have the house or refectory prefect as your invincible Val!) . . . This goes on for a week until the 14th of February. The Valentines turns out to be the day of revelation! A day to know who that sweet and wonderful person is, this day is usually characterized by surprises (The person you least expected could be your Val!) Exchange of gifts was another thing that characterized the Valentine day as each person revealed herself with a gift. Usually, it was a season many students do not forget in a hurry, even as I write I cannot but smile at some wonderful memories of St. Valentines day!!!
Well. . . That was valentine as I knew it to be and for a long time after school I missed valentine being celebrated that way. I came to understand it meant something entirely different to the outside world. What it means to them really is not my concern for today, but my opinion is this; if valentine is truly all about LOVE, such that one whole day is dedicated for it’s celebration, then I think each of us should take it upon ourselves to put a smile on someone’s face at least for that day. That way, I believe Val’s day would be more meaningful!

Take TIME to Appreciate Loved Ones

A story was told sometimes ago about a minister’s funeral. The minister was not so old when he died, so his death came as a rude shock to his congregation. At his funeral, different members of his church with lovely wreaths to place on his grave, came forward to say beautiful things about him; about his dedication, generosity, sincerity, integrity and so on, some said he was always full of encouraging words to lift their spirits each time they were with him, others said he was the most caring minister the ever had . . . while they extol his numerous attributes, the priest conducting the burial noticed how profusely the wife of the late minister wept, thinking it might be better to ease her mind of her ache by speaking out handed the microphone over to her speak about her late husband. Still crying, she stated clearly that she was not crying because she lost her husband but that he died without knowing how much he meant to these people, a bouquet of flower to the living is worth more the several wreaths to the dead, she went ahead to explain how her husband labored for several years without getting as much as a single word of encouragement from any member of the congregation, she watched him pray day after day that God should help him reach out to them, he died of a broken heart, he died thinking he had let God down by not being able to reach out to his people, he died an unfulfilled man... She could not finish her speech as she was overcome by emotion, needless to say the members of the congregation were also in tears.
Now, the moral lessons of the story: learn to appreciate those who are dear to you, for you will not always have the opportunity to do so!
You don’t know, as in, you can’t imagine how far little compliments can go with some people, so why hoard these compliments, it costs you nothing after all, instead it gives you a sense of fulfillment that you have put a smile on somebody’s face and who knows you could even have done much more!
So what are you waiting for? Go ahead! Send that text, make that call, send that e-mail, send that card, send that gift . . . yeah, tell them how much they mean to you and watch out for the results!.

Take TIME to rest

Repos(Means rest in French)

What does the word rest mean to you? A couple of hours lying on your bed with your mind working rigorously instead of your body? Taking a day off work to attend to pending issues?
Whatever it is that your definition of ‘rest’ is I think it is important you know that it a state of quiet or repose; a cessation from motion or labor; tranquility rest from
Mental exertion; rest of body or mind…
Hmmnn, Life could be so so busy that if one is not careful it is very easy to get caught up in its wave. Work, family, school, and other commitments just eat the day away and leave you with no time to sit back and relax. However, rest and relaxation is very important to you and every other area of your life, most especially your relationships. In fact, getting enough rest is imperative to living a healthy lifestyle and when you do not relax and get enough rest you are putting yourself at risk for illness as well as other side effects.
In this part of the world, not much emphasis is placed on rest; in fact it is subtly believed that the less you rest, the more responsible you are! Little wonder why life expectancy is said to be only 49!
Believe it or not, the body needs enough rest each night to function properly. The amount of rest each individual needs every night differs, however the average adult needs approximately 7-8 hours of sleep each night to restore their body with the energy it needs to handle all of the demands of living each day. However, most people cut back on their sleep to pack more activities into their day. Unfortunately, this runs the body down allowing more viruses and diseases to attack the body because the immune system is not functioning as well as it should. Then, the individual gets sick and misses days or even weeks of all of those important activities. When you get enough rest your body runs as it should and your immune system is stronger and able to fight off infections more easily.
Also, when you don’t get enough rest you have difficult concentrating, thinking clearly, and even remembering things (You can imagine the implication of this in a relationship). You might not notice this at first or blame it on your busy schedule, but the more sleep/rest you miss out on the more pronounced this symptoms would become.
In addition, a lack of rest and relaxation can really work a number of gimmicks on your mood and emotions. It is a scientific fact that when individuals miss out on good nightly rest for instance, their personality is affected and they are generally grumpier, less patient, and snap easier (which are injurious to a healthy relationship). As a result, missing out on rest for too long might make you a beast to be around, which is not much fun at all.
So, the next time it appears to you that you are missing out on vital issues while taking time to rest, just remember that;
o Your life is more important than whatever you are pursuing
o You are not indispensable
o When you are full of age and can work no more, the investment you have made into yourself and your relationships will count
o You need to constantly recharge to give your best in every area of your life

So friends, don't wait until you are confined to bedrest, take time to rest when you need to, even the Almighty God did! Ha ha!

Nurturing your relationships

Happy New Year friends! Its great to be alive! How was your break (I’m assuming you had one) did you take some time off to appreciate your loved ones? Did you try to put a smile on someone’s face? Or the days just flew past like other days? As for me, I had a quiet Christmas with my immediate family while the other part of my holidays was spent with extended family members in Europe. Not only did I have fun but was able to learn one or two lessons on nurturing one’s relationship.
Have you ever considered what your greatest asset is? I mean your God-given asset which translates to almost every other thing when applied rightly . . .you invest it into learning something, you become skillful at it, you invest it into relationship you get the best out of it, it is limited for each day, both the poor and the rich have the same supply in terms of quantity…friends, I’m talking of no other asset other than TIME.
Our series of discussions for the next couple of weeks would be based noton time or its management per say but about how it can help improve our relationships if well invested.
Most of us had high expectations of our relationships before we got into them (friendship, courtship, marriage and any form of ‘ship’ that is applicable) but Its funny how things don’t always turn out like we envisaged. Most times, its because we unconsciously assume things would sort themselves out. I realised that relationships that will stand the test of time are those relationship which considerable time has been invested into over time. The truth is that it’s not always convenient but it’s worth it on the long run.
Join me in subsiquent editions as we discuss different ways by which we can spice up our various relationships. Do have a great year ahead!

Dilemma - Response

A big thank you to all who have and will still respond to the previous mail on "Dilemma". I’m looking forward to having more comments because in multitude of counsel, there is safety. I believe you (Heart in dilemma) have been able to pick one or two things from the various comments posted in response to your mail.
As for me, I got an insight which I think might help you. I shared your dilemma
with a respected and God fearing friend, only to discover he has been in that same ‘shoe’!! Where he lost one of his greatest assets in form of a best friend/ confidant and also lost the lady! According to him, "A GOOD friend is not worth losing because of an ‘uncertain relationship with a woman" – Remember there’s a friend that sticks closer than a brother. . .you know, no explanation can convince anybody that u did not ‘back-stab your best friend’ or that you are not even a party to their break up! …And it may affect your integrity and subsequent relationship with other friends who knew how you guys were. . . not that I’m so much minding what people will say…but beloved, a good name is better than silver and
gold! I really don’t know how close you are to this ‘friend of yours’
but I’m beginning to think you should save your relationship with your friend first (Unless u can look him in the eye and say his friendship means nothing to you!!!)
How would u feel if you loose this lady and u can regain your friend’s
Confidence again????
Moreover,I think she (the lady)is planning on getting too early into another
relationship – she needs at least a couple of months to herself after a break-up or else she’ll carry over certain things into subsequent relationships.

Yeah, you say but what if she happens to be the right person? I advice you subject it to time. Time is good litmus test for any relationship, with time; the feelings could wear off or on the contrary,become stronger and clearer
Whichever way dear, please don’t rush yourself, the joy of everything is when its done at the perfect time and don’t forget the God factor, he is the only one with the clear picture of things ;)!

Dilemma

Hmmmm . . .Have you ever gotten to a crossroad before in your life? I mean when you have to choose between two things that seem good to you? Well, i have and that's why i can identify with the sender of the mail below.
Carefully read through and let us together offer a few words of advice to this heart in dilemma and be rest assured that i will also share what i feel about it too pretty soon!.

Hi Bisola,

I need your help. I’m in a dilemma. I’m stuck in between making a choice between keeping a treasured relationship with my closest friend (Who is like a brother to me) and a good female friend.
She got to know my best friend through me (we had been friends before she met my friend) and they got into a relationship, after a while, the girl, according to her realised they were not compatible spiritually so she decide to opt out of the relationship despite pleas from my friend.
On getting out of the relationship somehow we were drawn to each other either due to my willingness to offer some sort of counsel whenever she seemed confused, or at least a listening hear, I really do not know.

Like I said i introduced her ex to her, and we are like brothers. He trusts me,
Now that the relationship is over, the girl is subtly finding her way into my heart, and i cant get off the guilt feeling coming over me each time I think of the situation.
Please hellllpppp! i think i'm becoming hypnotized; I need some sense restored back into me.
I told her how I once felt about her (which is the truth), and she was mad with me for not telling her early. After seeking one or two counsels, I told her not to contact me anymore, she accepted, and for 3 weeks, we didn't contact each other, last week, she contacted me and to be sincere, i did miss her a little bit maybe because we've always been close friends or because i ... i don't know. I'm still calm but she's talking seriously about settling for a relationship with me. . . and as much as I want to be close to her, i have that feeling of guilt-as in her ex. She broke up with him because she thought they weren’t spiritually compatible and i told her straight that i might look like the strongest spiritual guy, but I still have my weaknesses. The more I speak my heart, the more she feels I’m been open to her. Am I? I’m just trying to be me. What does one do? I prayed that God should intervene, and at the same time I’m thinking what if He was? The less she talks to me, the more she thinks of me. The more she talks to me, the more i think of her.

Please Heeellllllllppppppppppp!!!!!!!!


Someone in Dilemma

Are the beautiful ones not yet born?

Have you ever wondered, why at times it seems there are no more ‘good’ girls and guys at least good enough for marriage? Have all the good girls been married off and the guy completely taken? Why do the guys take to their heels at the seeming sight of commitment and the ladies go out of their ways just to get hooked to a(ny) guy?
Recently, I was speaking to a friend of mine who is ready to settle down but has not found the right person so to say, he kept talking about how tired he is of being a bachelor and how unfortunate he has been with ladies,listening to him go on and on about this issue, I went ahead to ask him just one question, which was, “What attribute do you consider to be the most important in the woman you would like to marry which you can by no means compromise?”This guy went quiet for a while then told me it was a difficult question, I figured he must have had several attributes he was looking out for in a woman but I guess there was no scale of preference and as such, no woman could measure up to his almighty standard.
It then occurred to me that a lot of singles are like this my friend,they expect too much from a 'would be partner' all they want in a lady or a guy is all about themselves, you get to hear things like ‘I like someone who’ll be able to understand my complexity, someone who’ll give me attention, who knows how to sweep me off my feet, who knows how to reach my heart as in know; the When, the How, the Which, the Where . . .. Hello!!! Why don’t you just wake up and smell the coffee! You are merely looking for your cloned version, no one can satisfy you that perfectly! Perhaps that’s why you are still single or why your marriage does not appear to be what you saw it to be while dating your partner.
Now on a more serious note why don’t you shine your eyes the more and be more realistic this time ’cos the beautiful ones are passing you by each day!
I would really like to read your opinion and probably questions about this.
Do have a great day.

Relationship 2

Living for whom?

Have you ever found yourself worried about what people think about you? Or better still you find yourself going out of your way to get into the good books of others. Sincerely, as human beings it takes a conscious effort not to allow what others think or feel to determine our lives. For me, growing up in a pastor’s family was challenging, church members looked up to the pastor and his family as the number one people in church, we were expected to be perfect and without blemish, they seemed to forget that the man of God is first “man” before he is “of God”

Being a pastor’s child was even more difficult due to the general notion that ‘pastor’s children were always very wayward’ So, if a pastor’s child misbehaves, the reaction of the people was “what more do you expect from a pastor’s child” if on the contrary, he or she performs excellently, the reaction was “that’s expected, after all she/he’s a pastor’s child” In summary, whether good or bad, there was no form of encouragement whatsoever and because the setting of the church was orthodox, there were strict standards to be adhered to which gave little or no room for self discovery.

As if that was not enough, all though my primary education, I was made the class representative of any class I found myself and eventually the school head-girl in my class six, this made me very conscious of myself as young as I was, I found myself living my early days to meet people’s standards and living up to expectations without discovering who I was.
Secondary school was not any better as I handled one responsibility after the other until I was made the head prefect in my final year bagging the award of “the most conscientious head prefect” This stage of my life too passed without my being able to express myself to the fullest, though I discovered certain things on which I place value such as ‘having a good name’
University days for me were days to look forward to as the joy of being independent for the first time in my life flooded my mind, but this was short lived as I was immediately spotted on joining a fellowship on campus and given a cell unit to head . . . so much for independence! Needless to say that other responsibilities followed until I was made the female co-ordinator of a fellowship of over 600 students!

Looking back, now I know that those responsibilities were orchestrated by God and in fact they are responsible for moulding me into what I am today, only that I learnt much later that self discovering was a personal responsibility, knowing who you are, what you stand for values is what you have to do for yourself, no one will do it for you! Not long after my university education, I had an experience I’ll always cherish basically because it was instrumental to my discovering more about myself. I was privileged to travel outside the shores of my country for academic reasons. It was then it suddenly dawned on me that I was in a situation I always craved for . . . far away from standards and people’s impression, far away from parents, siblings and my fiancé, far far away from all expectations! It was a good opportunity to put to test the stuff I was made of, to know exactly who I was accountable to- man or God. It was a point to decide whether I would spoil myself with the “king’s rich food” unlike Daniel (Daniel 1:8) or like Joseph say ‘How can I do this great wickedness and sin against God (Gen 39:9)’
For me, that was the defining question, my life had not been the same after that and my heart goes out to those who have not been able to really discover who they really are under the cloak of leadership or responsibility . . . may I ask you friends, Who do you live for?

Relationship 1

Finally! An avenue to reach out to the entire world! A big thank you to a dear friend for being instrumental to the opening of this blog site. For so long, its been my desire to help people out with their relationships, so many people are going though a lot in their relationships but just a few have the courage to speak out. Though so many of us tend to pretend when it comes to the issue of relationships, we act like there’s really no big deal about it once other areas of our lives are in place such as work, academics, spiritual etc We feel we can make up for the unsettled issues with achievements in other aspects of our lives, but the truth is that life is all about relationships. You are product of a relationship, right from when you were in the womb you found yourself in a relationship-of course with the person in whose womb you were- on getting out of the womb there were more people to relate with; your father, siblings, nannies, aunties and uncles, grand parents, neighbours . . .this chain which is unending, eventually leads you to the knowledge of a relationship with a supreme being who surprisingly knew you before you were formed in the womb anyway.
So who says relationships do not matter? Like I said earlier life is all about relationship, both vertical and horizontal. The vertical refers to relationship with the Supreme Being, your creator- God, while horizontal refers to the relationship with your fellow human beings. How well we manage these two levels of relationships determines how far we go in life.